Forget horoscopes, tarot cards, and blood types; the best indicator of someone’s personality is what their favorite Nintendo franchise is. Someone who loves Pokémon games is going to have a very different outlook than someone who is obsessed with the Zelda timeline, and those two will be vastly different than a Metroid fan. But what exactly can you learn about someone else — or even yourself — based on which of Nintendo’s many iconic series you consider to be the best? I’m no psychologist, but I’ve been playing and studying video games for decades now and want to present this extremely subjective and not-at-all serious look at what type of person is drawn to various Nintendo games.
This list is a parody and all in good fun. I don’t mean to insult or demean anyone and hope we can all laugh at ourselves a bit together. Don’t take anything here too seriously :)
Mario
Mario fans are always ready to have a good time, but not big risk-takers. You enjoy a familiar structure to your life, with only a few changes here and there in moderation. You may be stuck in the past, always trying to recapture your childhood sense of whimsy and avoiding the harsh realities of adulthood. You get along with everyone, but don’t have a particularly strong personality that people will remember you for and are deathly afraid people will get tired of your one personality trait.
Zelda
You’re one of those strong, silent types who isn’t afraid to live life independently. You don’t mind company on an adventure, but prefer to do things your own way without a clear plan beforehand. You are confident in every obstacle you face in life, having a tool ready for any situation, both literally and figuratively. However, this does leave you a bit depressed and lonely. Zelda fans may feel an overwhelming burden to remain stoic and never ask for help from others.
Metroid
Metroid fans are desperate to prove that they’re mature and to be taken seriously. They don’t want to be seen like the other people around them, so they put on an air of being dark and brooding. A Metroid fan is thorough to an almost obsessive degree. Expect them to inspect every inch of an area before moving on. You never need to ask a Metroid fan what their favorite Nintendo franchise is — they’ll tell you.
Animal Crossing
The average Animal Crossing lives in an apartment with a sad little balcony garden that they struggle to keep alive and can only dream of affording an actual house. Their home is perfectly organized, and they will lash out at anyone who moves things from their rightful place. Animal Crossing lovers live life on a perfectly kept schedule, with every minute of the day accounted for. If you can fit that schedule and adhere and not disturb their decor, you will get along great. However, get on an Animal Crossing fan’s bad side, and they will get the entire community to shun you until you leave town.
Splatoon
Sheltered tweens are the prototypical Splatoon fan. These kids want to appear cool, but their parents won’t let them actually do anything dangerous. They only listen to music with the swear words censored out and have to wear a helmet, knee, and elbow pads to ride a bike. Deep down, they know they’re missing out on the cool things all their friends are experiencing, but fool themselves into thinking they’re tough by staying up 30 minutes past their bedtime to watch The Simpsons.
Pokémon
Pokémon fans either have way too many pets or were never allowed to have any at all. Whatever it is they fall in love with, they go all-in on that thing and will defend it to their dying breath. Change is the last thing a Pokémon fan wants. They’re so dedicated that they are easily manipulated and will fool themselves into thinking things are great when, in reality, their lives are falling apart. Pokémon fans are team players and blindly optimistic to the very end.
Kirby
People who love Kirby present themselves as happy-go-lucky, but have a hidden dark side that you won’t see until you’re deep into your relationship. Things start out easy and fun, but suddenly take a dark turn in unexpected ways. Kirby fans are likely to have an encyclopedic knowledge of some dark and disturbing history you never heard of and, quite frankly, will wish you never did.
Super Smash Bros.
You remember your childhood neighbor or kid from school who always picked fights over whose dad would beat up the others? That’s the kind of person who becomes a Smash Bros. fan. They love turning everything into an argument to be won. They’re overly competitive in everything, especially things meant to be fun and sucking the enjoyment out of them by taking them way too seriously.
Earthbound
You will find the typical Earthbound fan working in an indie bookstore or record shop, always ready to tell you about this obscure foreign film that never came out in America. The only time they will talk about American media is to point out that it was based on or a remake of something from another country and how much better that one was. The truth is, the things they like aren’t bad, but they are just so smug about talking about it that it turns people off.
Star Fox
I’m not going to say that all Star Fox fans are furries, but they all do have a weird thing for anthropomorphic characters, and maybe amputees. At the very least, they’re drawn to the typical tsundere types. This is typically because Star Fox fans have been largely ignored for most of their lives and are constantly trying to relive the few moments of joy they had when they were young.
