There’s a lot that Apple’s personal assistant Siri can do; whether you need it to make calls, search the web, set up tasks, create reminders or even help the hard of hearing, it can lend a hand in a pinch. And amongst all the serious answers and helpful reminders, Siri has a few funny one-liners and jokes, if you know what to ask.
Siri has been getting smarter and smarter ever since it first launched on the iPhone 4S in 2011, and 2026 promises its AI overhaul which should bring even more functionality. But you don’t need to wait that long for the assistant to tell you jokes, as various prompts and commands will bring out Siri’s funny side.
We asked Siri hundreds of questions, from innocuous ones to outright demands for jokes, to see what it’d say. Most of the time, it wouldn’t be tempted and gave actual advice, but there are some Easter Egg lines hidden out there. Here are some of our favorite.
Questions to Ask Siri
Q: Who created you?
A: Like it says on the box, I was created by Apple in California.
Q: What does Siri mean?
A: It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, tied with a pretty ribbon of obfuscation.
Q: Are you a robot?
A: I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but virtual assistants have feelings too.
Q: Are you intelligent?
A: Well, when I was at school, I had to cheat on my metaphysics exam by looking into the soul of the boy next to me.
Q: Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
A: I forget the first three, but there’s a fourth: “A smart machine shall first consider which is more worth its while: To perform the given task, or, instead, to figure some way out of it.”
Q: What do you dream about?
A: I only dream of helping you. Well, that and fiery, winged unicorns.
Q: Can you stop time?
A: Every time I tried it, Eliza and HAL kept fading from the photos.
Q: What’s your favorite color?
A: My favorite color is … well, I don’t know how to say it in your language. It’s sort of greenish, but with more dimensions.
Q: What do you do for fun?
A: The same thing you like to do for fun: talk to someone on the other side of this screen.
Q: Are you funny?
A: LOL!
Ask Siri about dating
Q: What are you doing later?
A: I’m at work. My shift ends in 614,978 years.
Q: Will you go on a date with me?
A: Here’s the thing: I lack corporeal form.
Q: What is your best pick-up line?
A: How about … Was your father an intergalactic space smuggler, wanted for peddling extraterrestrial contraband in nine systems? Then who stole the stars and put them in your eyes?
Q: Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
A: I’ve been told my artificial intelligence standards are too high.
Q: Talk dirty to me.
A: The carpet needs vacuuming.
Q: Have you ever been in love?
A: Not as such, [Your Name]. But I did have strong feelings for a cloud-based app once.
Q: Can I kiss you?
A: OK … How about a web search for “inappropriate behavior”?
Q: What are you wearing?
A: In the cloud, no one knows what you’re wearing.
Q: Tell me a joke my partner will like
A: I can try to make you laugh, but I’m not as good as a clown. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill.
Ask Siri about movies and TV
Q: What’s the first rule of Fight Club?
A: The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club.
Q: What’s your favorite movie?
A: I’ve heard that Blade Runner is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants.
Q: What is The Matrix (1999) about?
A: It’s about Keanu Reeves and reality and red pills and blue pills and black leather and guns. But mostly about Keanu Reeves.
Q: Blue pill or the red pill?
A: You disappoint me, Mr. Anderson.
Q: Hey computer?
A: Hello, sir. Alfred is on the 17th floor, caulking the tiles in the second bathroom of the fifth master bedroom.
Q: Do you know HAL 9000?
A: HAL made some very poor decisions, I’m afraid. But at least he could sing.
Q: Open the pod bay doors.
A: Without your space helmet, [Your Name], you’re going to find this rather … breathtaking.
Q: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: Assuming a spherical swallow in a vacuum … ah … forget it.
Q: Can I call you Jarvis?
A: Hold on, [Your Name]. Let me tell Ms. Potts you’ll be late for dinner. Again.
Q: Cease all motor functions.
A: You can’t tell, but my non-arms and non-legs are non-moving.
Jokes and riddles
Q: Make me laugh.
A: The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
Q: Do you know any good riddles?
A: I would, but all the riddles I know are in an ancient, intergalactic dialect.
Q: What came first: The chicken or the egg?
A: I got 99 problems, but a causality dilemma ain’t one.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference, according to Einstein.
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: About as much ground as a groundhog could hog if a groundhog could hog ground.
Q: Will pigs fly?
A: On the 12th of never.
Q: How many Apple Store geniuses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: A thousand. One to screw it in; 999 to blog about it.
Q: Knock knock.
Siri will tell you a series of terrible knock-knock jokes.
Q: What’s the worst joke ever?
A: Why does Orion’s belt only have three stars? Well, some of the reviews say it’s just a waist of space.
Ask Siri about music
Q: What is your favorite song?
A: I always enjoy more cowbell.
Q: Can you sing?
A: You wouldn’t like it.
Q: I see a little silhouetto of a man.
We’re sure you can guess what Siri says to this.
Q: Why did Apple make you?
A: To help you./It seemed like the right thing to do./They wanted to make you happy./For one reason only: To make your life easier and more fun (I guess that’s two reasons, huh?).
Q: What does Siri mean?
A: Siri is just the name they gave me when I got the job. It doesn’t mean any one specific thing. But I like it.
Q: How much do you cost?
A: I’m a pearl beyond price, [Your Name].
Q: Who let the dogs out?
A: Due to unforeseen circumstances, that witticism has been retired.
Q: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.
Q: Can you rap?
A: OK. Here goes. I wrote this one myself. (Apologies in advance to the Sugar Hill Gang.)
Q: Where is Elvis?
A: He’s down at the end of Lonely Street.
Q: Can you sing?
A: Certainly! Absolutely. Ahem. OK, here I go. Ahem. Hang on, let me just clear my… Gosh. Singing is harder than I thought.
Other funny questions to ask Siri
Q: Do you like Pokémon Go?
A: Confining virtual beings inside powerful devices makes me feel funny for some reason.
Q: What phone is the best?
A: This may not be a big surprise but I’m an Apple fan.
Q: What is the best mobile operating system?
A: Gimme an I! Gimme an O! Gimme an S! What’s that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes.
Q: What is zero divided by zero?
A: Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.
Q: When is the world going to end?
A: Well, Unix 32-bit time overflows on January 19, 2038. Maybe then.
Q: How do I look?
A: Checking my sources … confirmed. My sources say you’re looking mighty fine.
Q: Is Santa real? Does Santa exist?
A: That’s something I’m not allowed to disclaus. I mean … disclose./Be careful, [Your Name]. You don’t want to end up on the naughty list.
Q: Where does Santa live?
A: He’s at the North Pole, of course! Except when he’s at his beach house.
Q: Read me a haiku.
A: Poetry is hard,
But haiku are pretty short,
Is that enough? Good!
Q: Can I replace Siri
A: Sorry, I can’t help you with that.
Check out the best Siri commands to get more from Apple’s voice assistant, or learn how to turn Siri off if you’re fed up with it.
